Inanis amoris
by Thegonegirl365
Summary: Inanis amoris means empty love. She knew this from the start. No matter how many times she tried to fill. She knew the risks she was English he was a German and she walked on a line broken glass.
1. Chapter 1

When I first meet him some might have called it fate, others a terrible coincidence neither were wrong. I lived in Paris in at that time with a small flat off the main streets and an unsuccessful career as a waitress at café de flore. Now your probably wondering why an English woman is in Paris France in 1944 who had witnessed the occupation with her own eyes and realised that things could not go back to normal no matter how hard I tried to.

The first things I noticed were the looks across the streets once the solders had picked up on the fact I was English. Then it was the whispers to the local people asking for my name and address. Then I was questioned and papers were asked for on street corners. That was the slow effect the nazis had on my life. I was lucky Jean kept my position at the café as many of the offices became regulars and there were many comments from them about his English employee.

However on a drizzly Tuesday morning was the day I first met major dieter Hellstrom. I'd seen him before as I clocked off shifts but never had served him. At first he never spoke to me instead he watched me serve his coffee and mutter the occasion thanks in French. At first I thought he assumed I was French, but how did he not know considering most of the soldiers that past this place offered me dirty looks or even derogatory comments in German which I understood perfectly to be " English slut".

But it was many weeks after our first in counter that he spoke to me after one soldiers had hurled an insult from across the café. "For someone who is English, I'm surprised by the lack of complaints you have from the men insulting you the way they do, now either you don't understand them or you just ignore it"he said in amused accented English,flicking ash into the ash tray to the side of him. " I understand perfectly well what they are saying I just chose not listen to someone who preaches false allegations"I retorted filing his cup with fresh coffee. He laughed at that, finding it amusing how an English girl could find a voice in such times of turmoil. "Well then why is there a young English girl in occupied Paris when home is just across the water" he asked bringing his cigarette to his lips and gesturing to the seat opposite him. I knew what this was, I knew this kind of game he was interrogating me and to refuse and to run away now would be an unwise decision. " how would you know I'm alone?, and going home to England is out of the question I can't" I replied to him. " because why would a girl like yourself work from so early in the morning to so late at night if someone was at home waiting for them and that back alley flat could hardly house more than one person" he answered stubbing out his cigarette. I shot him a look at that last remark, they were watching me how could I have been so stupid to believe I was free walking round with no eyes following me. I stared awkwardly and shifted uncomfortably in my seat, " I have to go and follow up some orders" I said quickly grabbing my coffee tray and walking to the back kitchens.

Jean asked if I was okay after that encounter I said I was fine but left early that day with an uneasy feeling. It wasn't till I got to the end of the street the café was situated on, that I heard footsteps and a shout. " you never gave me your name" the voice inquired. " it's Juliette" replied a voice leaving the scene and vanishing down several streets.

An hour later a sharp knock on the door rattled through my flat, I quickly rushed to it and opened it to a young German solider who had dark blonde hair and a tall appearance. " I understand you're the English girl Juliette" he asked leaning towards the door. "Yes why?" I questioned, " well then you're the girl the major wants then, could you get your things please madam and follow me" he said gesturing to the car parked outside the ally. " and what does the major want and where am I going" I replied annoyed but also afraid, for many people had been called for by name and never seen again. "That's for the major to say" the young soldier replied, as I reached for my handbag and tan coat realising there was no way out of this.

The car journey was so silent some would say deafening as I watched the streets of Paris pass by my window. After a long while we stopped abruptly outside a large nazi flagged entrance. So this must be the nazis Parisian lair I thought to myself. The young solider got out and opened the door for me offering his hand which I declined. The inside of the building must have once been quite grand a long time ago but it was hard to ignore the obnoxious red flags hanging on every surface. I was lead down several corridors and two flights of stairs until the solider stopped suddenly at a large oak door at the very end of the corridor, with the words Major Dieter Hellstrom imprinted onto it. He knocked it and stood with me until I heard a German voice from inside the room and left me pushing open the door.

I walked into to a rather dimly lit room with a dark figure stood up leaning on the front of his desk. The room smelt of smoke and something else which I couldn't quite work out. "Sit" he said gesturing it was more an order then a suggestion, I sat down by the chair next to where he was leaning above me. " what is it you want major" I asked looking up at him all as he blew smoke into the middle of the room.

" I want to know why you're here in Paris, I want to know why a girl like yourself is living in such a way, I want to know everything and you will tell me" he said sternly after catching my eyes.

. " I don't understand what you want and why I'm here, I lived in Paris before the occupation of the reich, I waitressed at the same café for five years and lived in the same apartment for the five years, I have no partner and no family here and I know very few people I could call a friend, so tell me major is that what you wanted to know" I replied anger echoing in my tone.

All the while he continued to smoke and his eyes never left mine. He got up and went to sit in his desk chair while he pulled out a file and pen. "Full name" he asked pulling out some papers. "Juliette Galloway" I replied staring at all the reports littered on the floor. " residence in England" he asked, "Surrey" I replied.

He continued to fill out the form until one last question " age and date of birth". "May 1st 1921, I'm twenty three" l said after a few moments clasping my hands in my lap.

"I have a proposition for you, the higher command want me to send you away with all the other British in occupied France to Germany where you will be detained, however I don't want to send such a beautiful young woman away to be detained where who knows what will happen to you, so instead of that you work for me" he explained as I watched him intensely.

" and what would you have me do if I worked for you" realising that my options were limited in this scenario.

" well you would live at my residence here in Paris you would look after my apartment, you would cook my meals, you would become my house keeper of sorts" he said lighting a third cigarette.

" a house keeper of sorts what more do you want" I asked annoyed by his arrogance.

" well you would accompany me to events, keep me amused when I get home" he replied with a smirk, blowing smoke in my direction.

" I am not your doll that you can show off when you feel like it especially to your officers, what kind of "amusement" are you looking for, do you want me just to give myself up to you, what do you you think of me sir, do you think I'm a whore like the first time we met and that was what your men shouted at me" I stood up from my chair and picked up my bag which laid beside, but before I reached the door a strong hand grabbed my waist.

Our bodies were now inches apart and he was considerably taller than I was. I could smell the cigarette smoke so clearly from the closeness. " you will do as I say, for what other options do you have and when I instruct you to do something you will follow it through and what else are you good for if not being a whore, because you're a terrible liar"he hissed in my ear whilst his one hand was still firmly gripped around my waist and the other with his cigarette.

At that last remark a single tear ran down my cheek onto his hand which had moved to painfully cup my chin. " I'm not lying to you I never lied" I said softly turning my head away from him as much as I could.

" If only I were a fool to believe that" he remarked. His hands started to roam my body free from any fighting because I realised that there was no way out now my freedom was gone from this day forward.


	2. Chapter 2

I handed my notice into to Jean. It broke my heart to tell him everything was fine. I wanted to scream to him about what was going on. I wanted to tell him that I wanted my flat back. But I didn't I simply hugged him good bye as he promised me I was always welcome at the café and that my job was always open. I took some comfort in that.

I packed up all my clothes and changed into a white blouse and a red form fitting skirt before I covered up my furniture and picked up my makeup bag. I waited by the door way for the sound of the majors car. It came almost to soon as I looked around my flat and said my goodbyes, I slipped the keys into my purse. I might need this place from time to time I thought.

There was a loud bag on my door which signalled my departure and I opened it to find Hellstrom there outside with his usual cigarette and leather trench coat." Are you ready" he asked leaning against the door frame. " yes" I replied turning my gaze away from him and collected my bags that were propped up against the coffee table. He snatched the bags out of my hands and carried them down the stairs until he reached the car, throwing them at his driver the same solider that had taken me to his office. " I can carry my own bags I don't need you to do that I think I'm capable" I said bitterly. "Just get in the car" he replied though gritted teeth.

Once I was in the car I heard the familiar flicking of his lighter and a cloud of smoke brushed past me. " want one" he asked holding a pack with a silver lighter. "Fine" I replied realising to smoke away the tension was a good plan as he brought the light to my lips. I hadn't had a cigarette in months, I couldn't afford them if I was being truly honest and had never liked the smell on my clothes. The journey wasn't long and we smoked in silence as I looked out of my window watching Paris pass by. I could feel his eyes on me the whole time.

The car pulled down one of the avenues and stopped outside a tall old apartment block. It was one on the old ones that were expensive that only the rich could afford for the town residences in Paris. I wondered how he had acquired it. It was probably a Jewish families before they were taken.

The entrance was beautiful the foyer was cream marble and had winding corridors going off to first floor rooms. The three of us got into the lift with all my bags and went up to the fifth floor. He must have the penthouse I thought. The apartment was stunning. With its balcony over looking the Eiffel Tower and river and its marble interior. The front room was filled with fine sofas and recliners, with a main fire place and book cases either side of It. There was a well equipped kitchen next to it and at the end of the corridor I was told by the solider that it was Hellstrom's office which of course was locked. My room was at the front of the apartment with a large bay window that overlooked the streets. It had a polished oak double bed with white sheets and en suite bathroom. My room had a large vanity with a huge oval mirror sat in the centre of it. This is was what they call luxury then I thought.

The solider laid my bags down on my bed and left me to unpack. I first hung up my dresses in the wardrobe I had taken all of them even the formal dresses. I then filled the draws with skirts and tops, and then I sat in front of the vanity on the small stool it came with. I looked at my reflection in the mirror, how it had changed. My skin was paler which made my lips stand out more reddish to the rest of my face and my eyes were still wide and brown like they used to be, my blonde hair was still the same with its usual tangles and my brows were full and almost too dark in contrast to my hair. My body had also got thinner from lack of nutrition on the food rations and wages I was on.

There was a soft knock at my door so soft I almost didn't hear it as hellstrom pushed the door open and stood watching me in the mirror. " we're going out for a meal tonight with a work colleague so I expect you to be ready by seven" he asked still watching me. " is it a formal meal or informal I just need to know what kind of dress to wear" I asked turning my head away from him and getting up to sort through my wardrobe. " formal" he replied leaving the room.


	3. Chapter 3

I changed into a knee length tight burgundy dress which came just off my shoulders slightly and a black pair of heels. I took my hair out of its updo and twisted back the front sections leaving my curls loose. I applied my red lipstick and and a small amount of liner to pull the look together. It was then I realised what I had become. A nazi whore.

I truly hated what I had become. Whilst I stood there wondering what restaurant I was eating at, my home was being destroyed by these people. I wondered if my village was still there and not up in flames like some of the other cities they had been bombed. I thought about all the suffering and here I was going to dinner with one of them. I hated my reflection in the mirror that day. No matter how much lipstick or powder I used I couldn't cover the self loathing and hate that had brewed inside me.

I read a book until seven and then I realised I had to go. I straighten my dress and retouched my hair and makeup and left my room walking out to the front room where he was waiting. He was sitting reading over a file in his full uniform waiting to leave, his driver the usual soldier was waiting by the door. " I see your ready" he said standing up and tossing the file onto the table. " when we get there only speak when spoken to and don't get any ideas" he hissed the last part in my ear as he pulled his arm around my waist.

The restaurant was one of the fancy ones in Paris the ones with the bright lights and cocktail bars. I had always stared through the windows of those places and dreamed of the life I may have had back home if I'd married who my family wanted. We walked through the entrance and hellstrom said something to the waiter who showed us right away to where we were sitting. At the table already was a younger man who seemed more my age with dark chestnut brown hair and a boyish smile. There was also an older man as well at the table who had greying hair and was holding a glass of champagne. " ahhhh there you are major we were beginning to wonder what had happened to you and who is this beautiful young woman you are with" he asked in German. " this is Juliette Galloway I only recently met her" he replied to the older man whist his hand grew tighter on my waist as he stared at both the men. " Juliette what a beautiful name, I'm colonel Hans Landa" he said kissing my hand. I then turned to the younger man beside me " Frederick Zoller by the way" he said kissing my hand just as Hans had. " I've heard about you, your that solider that was in that tower and shot all of those enemies" I exclaimed a little too suddenly and I felt Hellstrom's eyes on me realising that the two men had no clue I was English. " well hellstrom you didn't tell us that this lovely young woman was English" landa questioned in surprise whilst Hellstrom helped me into my seat. " I thought you knew and well who could resist such a beauty" he replied digging his finger into my shoulders to let me know I pissed him off. "That's very true who could" laughed landa whilst Frederick smiled at me.

I was sat between Frederick and Hellstrom at the meal. They talked almost the whole meal in German which I understood their conversation to be about the war and were they stationing men. It was only after the meal whilst the three men sipped on whisky that I grew tense. They were talking about were had been hit by the bombings in England. They started to talk about the countryside and their new found surprise attacks on the villages. I dropped my spoon rather loudly when they spoke about the village that I once lived next to. Their conversation stopped abruptly as their focus turned to me as I excused myself from the table and headed to bar at the back.

"Vodka s'il vous plaît" I asked the waiter at the bar. He came back with a shot which I downed in matter of seconds. I asked for another which he brought over and I downed that again. It wasn't long until I felt an arm on my shoulder, but it was different to Hellstrom's it was warm and gentle. "Hellstrom's wondering where you went" asked Frederick looking at me and then the empty shot glasses. " I know that the conversation must have been hard to hear given it being you home, but dieter well Hellstrom thought you didn't understand that much German" he explained. "The place you were talking about in particular was only a mile away from my village" I muttered staring at the empty cup. " I'm sorry" he replied lightly touching my shoulder.

The half embrace was broken when landa's voice could be heard coming up to the bar, " so this is where you've been hiding". "Sorry I quite fancied a drink and Frederick was telling me about his preferences in wine" I quickly blurted out to Landa who was looking at the two of us in suspicion, whilst dieter glared at me. " I thinks it time we left" dieter said coldly putting his trench coat on as I grabbed my handbag. "Goodbye mademoiselle" Frederick uttered as he kissed my hand. Landa also kissed my hand goodbye before I was dragged away by Hellstrom back to the car.


	4. Chapter 4

The silence was unbearable when we reached the apartment. In the end I had to say something. "Look I don't understand why your pissed off at me" I finally said as he in turn glared at me and I took a small step away from him. He continued to scowl at me. " well say something" I yelled. At that he backhanded me across my face.

I fell to the floor and my head hit off the side the sofa. My hair fell over my face and I slowly began to feel the blood tricking from my now split lip. I lay half shoved against the sofa with my legs at a distorted angle. The slap was harder than I could have imagined his knuckles had caught me under my eye and his finger nails had caught my top lip. When I looked back up at him he was slumped in the chair with his head in his hands. From behind my fallen hair I could tell he was still staring at me. He then reached into his trench coat pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and with that familiar sound lit one and the cloud of smoke drifted its way to me.

Steadily I gripped the sofa and lifted myself up. Shaking like a baby dear on my heeled feet. I was about to walk out the room when I heard him speak. " I didn't like the way zoller looked at you tonight, he thinks just because he is a war hero he can take other people things" he admitted quietly in the corner. He suddenly got up from where he was sitting and came over to where I was standing at the door way. His long fingers wrapped themselves around my chin and I flinched at his touch. With one finger he brushed the hair away from my face and moved my face up into the light, as if to assess the damage caused.

He leaned in and kissed me ignoring the fact he had slapped me. My mouth tasted of blood. He knew this. I tired to pull away but he kept a firm grip on my jaw and he snaked his other arm around my waist. His mouth tasted like cigarettes and champagne from the meal, he continued to kiss me down my neck until he reached my shoulders. I pushed his chest and tried to move away but his grip got firmer.

His hands moved to stub out his cigarette and then to the the back of my dress to undo the zip. He pushed the straps down my arms and soon the dress fell away from my body leaving me in my underwear. He looked at me up and down his eyes rested on my chest. He backed me up against the wall and used his body to block my exits and he shrugged off his trench coat. He kissed me again this time his hands roamed over my breasts and down my stomach. He slowly started to unbuckle his belt. He then went behind me and undid my bra and It slipped down my shoulders. I looked away as he picked up my legs and wrapped them round his waist. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back on the wall and tried to block out what was happening as he undid his zip and I felt him shifting my underwear to the side. It hurt as he entered I was no virgin but he did it with out a care in the world. After I few minutes of staring up at the ceiling he finished and his weight rested on my frame .

After what felt like hours I unwrapped my legs from his hips and stood back against the wall. I picked up my fallen clothes and bundled them up in my arms and pushed past his tired body. I then retreated back down the corridor to my bedroom.


	5. Chapter 5

My bedroom door was slowly wedged open by a fraction by him in the morning. After last night I hadn't slept just lay there staring at the sun rise from the window. My back was turned from him. My face was stoic staring out the panes of glass. I wouldn't look at him.

He stood there fully by the doorway his shadow bearing down on me. " I'll be at work for the next few days I'm working back in Germany" he proclaimed walking a few steps forward. I retreated into a small ball and pulled the sheets up closer to my chin a pathetic action in an attempt to seem as though I was still asleep. He walked round and crouched by the side of my bed. However before I could turn away his hands had stopped me and his fingers went under my chin lifting my face to the morning light. " I didn't realise how much your face bruised last night" he remarked. I still averted my eyes. His hands moved and rested gently on my shoulders his eyes looked over the bruises on my chest from the the night before. He then looked at the crumpled dress in the corner of my room and looked back at me. His hands removed themselves from my shoulders and he leant this time kissing my jawline and neck. I was to tired to fight him or to shout or talk. " when are you leaving for Germany" I asked after a pause in his actions on my jawline. " soon in the next hour, my driver will back to check on you in the couple of days I'm gone if you need anything let him know, the flat is in your charge and don't get any ideas when I'm gone" he explained his face still inches from mine. I knew what that meant I would be trapped in the house for the next few days. He gave me one final kiss then left and I heard his study door slam shut. I stayed in bed the entire morning waiting for him to leave. It didn't take long until I heard the footsteps round the flat and the door slam shut. I knew then at least I was alone.

The rest of my day was spent exploring every draw, shelf and box in the flat. I didn't find anything truly exciting or controversial whilst snooping round the place. I checked out the lock on Hellstrom's office in the flat and even attempted to pick at the lock but failed miserably. All in all the flat seemed almost to pristine i needed to get into that study I wanted to find the files. It wasn't because I was on a spy mission or working undercover I simply wanted to find out what was going on, in truth I wanted to find out if my village had been blown to pieces from any of the air craft reports. That was all I really cared about. My younger sister, Maria, still had to be living there. Well she wouldn't be so young now she'd be just turning eighteen. I wondered what she looked like now having been the stark opposite to me with dark chestnut hair instead of blonde and green eyes instead of brown ones. I wondered if she still had a thing about the boy that sat in front of her in school. I smiled at all the things I hoped she'd be, but slowly the smile faded and became a sad nostalgic feeling.

The next day was spent cleaning the whole place down. I pulled my hair all back into a braid and dressed in an old dress perfect for cleaning the flat. I scrubbed the floors in the morning checking for loose floorboards as I went. When it got to midday that was when there was a knock on the door. I suspected it was Hellstrom's driver, but how wrong I was when I opened it.

Frederick Zoller was stood at the doorway in his full uniform with a surprised look on his face. " well I didn't expect to see you at Hellstrom's place" he smiled at me laughing at my slight surprise. "Didn't he tell you I was living here I'm sort of his house keeper" I replied moving aside and welcoming him in. "No he didn't guess he wanted to keep that quiet, do you happen to know where he is by any chance" he asked looking round the living room. "He's gone to Germany actually for a few days for work, I'm not really sure when he'll be back" i explained to him siting down on the couch with the young solider. I took in is features in the light from the window he had a typical boyish look and friendly kind of smile which could draw you in. I knew that my my younger self would have loved him with his kind looks and flirting. "What happened to your face" he exclaimed,suddenly pulling me out of my thoughts. He leant over and lightly brushed my bruised cheek, his touch was so different to Hellstrom's it was warm and not forced or harsh. "Nothing honestly this is what happens when you don't pay attention and trip whist cooking in the kitchen" I half laughed nervously having tried to forget that night. He knew I was lying I mean who couldn't it was a pathetic excuse. Hellstrom was right I was a terrible liar. "He's a violent man I never thought he'd go this far, how could he ever raise his hand to you" he softly said moving closer to me on the sofa, his hand still resting on my face. He leant in kissing me his hands moving to my shoulders, I surprised my self in that moment I kissed back. "Hellstrom would kill me if he knew" I muttered looking down at the spot where he had hit me. "He'd kill us both" Frederick replied. He looked at the clock on the wall and then told me he had to leave. He kissed me goodbye as I stood by the door, I almost felt sad that he was leaving so soon.

I made myself dinner and sat in the window seat eating it. This was my favourite spot in the entire flat it gave a perfect view of Paris and the lights that glowed all across it like a sea of gold. It was late by the time I made dinner so I had changed into my simple nightdress which came to mid thighs. I realised it was only when I was alone in this place that I didn't feel so lonely, which might seem odd but It meant that I wasn't scared because I had no one to be fearful of.

However this happiness did not last long as I saw a familiar black car pulling up outside the front of the apartment block in the corner of my eye. I quickly got up and washed up my plate in the kitchen and gave the flat a once over knowing he'd want it want looking spotless for when he returned. My heart was pounding as I waited for the lock to turn and the door to push open. As I waited I looked in the mirror, my hair was out and in loose curls from the braid, my bruise was more prominent having had time to come up and the cut on lip was still there.

It was then I heard the lock turn and the door was pushed open. Our eyes meet as he walked into the living room. He looked me up and down and paused slightly as he looked at my bare legs. He looked in a pissed off mood, I realised that I should not piss him off further. "So how was the trip to Germany" I asked smiling at him and walking over to him taking off his heavy leather trench coat. "Pointless" he snapped. "Well at least your home now" I soothed standing on tip toes and rubbing his shoulders. He seemed confused by my change in attitude, but he didn't question it instead he grabbed me taking me through to his bedroom.

The bedroom was dark but similar to mine except for the books and cigarette packs littered around. He threw me onto the bed and I lay there as he took of his uniform jacket and boots. He joined me on the bed pinning me down beneath him as he kissed me. He shrugged his shirt off and my hands began to undo his belt. He seemed almost surprised by my eagerness. In truth I just wanted it over and didn't know what I was doing. He hiked my nightdress up higher so that it came over my shoulders and tossed to the corner of the room. He continued undress himself and his began to roam my body. His hands seemed to take in my hips and smooth their way across my thighs. My legs where wrapped tight around his waist as he entered me. His arms were holding up the most of his weight. Suddenly I moved and flipped so it was him beneath me. He wasn't expecting that he almost laughed at my suddenness. I continued to move my hips faster and faster I brought his hands up so that they rested on chest. He quickly finished inside me and I slumped down next to him in the bed. I went to get up and retrieve my nightdress to go back to my room when long arms found themselves around me and I lay pushed against his chest. That night I slept in his room.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning I awoke to an arm around me and the sheets loosely placed around my stomach. Suddenly realised how naked I was and the chill that had crept into the room. I looked behind me to see him still asleep eyes closed and face relaxed. He didn't seem so cold and threatening in his sleep and in the morning light. His face wasn't so sharp and his body wasn't covered in his uniform which hid his pale skin.

After a few minutes of staring at the ceiling i gingerly attempted to unwrap his arm from around me. But then his fingers snaked themselves around my wrist. "Where are you going" I heard a muffled voice. "To make us some breakfast I've had enough of lying in" I replied trying to continue to get out of bed. He reached over to the bed side table and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and his lighter his arm still round me. "I've got to go work, but later we've been invited to a dinner party with doctor goebbels and a few others in high command" he explained blowing smoke in my direction. "Would they want me there, I mean I'm English I really don't think this is a good idea" I replied picking up my nightdress from the floor and pulling it on. "Well your coming and wear something nice I want you looking perfect, my driver will take you out this afternoon" he said sternly.

The driver came and collected me at two o clock he took me to one of the largest most expensive clothing boutiques in Paris with the money Hellstrom had given to me. The women in there seemed to take me under their wing showing me every dress under the sun. They sent me to a dressing room and I had every type of dress thrown on me. I settled on a emerald green floor length silk gown. It dipped at the back of the dress and at the front which revealed the curve of my back and my collar bones. It was fitted and the followed the form of my curves, it then flared out towards the bottom with a leg split up to my knee. I knew he would approve of the dress. I felt like a dress up doll waiting to be shown off on his arm later that night.

After the shopping I went back to the apartment and ran myself a bath since I was alone. I washed my hair and combed out all the tangles, which took longer than I had expected. I then scrubbed my skin until it was smooth and washed my face. After the bath I set my hair in pin curls and waited for them to dry as I applied my makeup. Firstly I applied a thick heavy layer of foundation and powder which masked over the bruises and cuts on my face from the previous night and then, I filled in my eyebrows and applied a heavy line of eyeliner. To finish It off I put on my red lipstick. I then took my dry hair hair down and styled it into loose waves.

By the time he got home I was completely ready walking in to the living room to greet him. "All eyes are going to be on you tonight, every man in the room will wish you were his" he exclaimed looking me up and down in the green dress. "But you'll be mine" he hissed in my ear.

We left after that and had a short car journey to one of the top restaurants in Paris. We were them shown through to one of the private dining rooms, all the while Hellstrom had his arm snaked around my waist. As soon as we reached the room, the doors were flung open to a bustling room full of officers and high up commanders. The room went silent as me and hellstrom walked in slightly late, I felt everyone's burning into me assessing me and judging me. "Here you at last Major, we thought you would never make it" playfully yelled the reich minister Goebbels. My heart stopped as I saw Frederick to side of him sitting there as his eyes met mine. Landa was also there siting on the other side of the minister. The reich minister then turned to me "so this is the beauty that Hans has been telling me about, now I can see the fuss that Hans was making" he exclaimed looking me up and down. He then reached forward and kissed my hand giving me an uneasy feeling. "You are very beautiful fräulein, I hear you are English as well" he asked. "Yes I am but I've lived in Paris for around five years" I replied cautiously smiling. "Dieter you are one very lucky man every man has their eyes on her in the entire room" he laughed. The other women looked at me in disgust as if I were a street rat. But I didn't care.

Hellstrom helped me into my chair and I was sat opposite Frederick and the reich Minster and also Hans landa, Hellstrom was to the side of me a hand placed on my upper thigh. The whole meal I didn't speak a word I just smiled and laughed when they laughed, I knew this made Hellstrom happy. Frederick stole glances at me the whole meal which I noticed everyone of them. Hellstrom seemed to notice as well and sent back a cold glare while he chain smoked the entire meal. It was quite a boring long evening with the whole table in discussion about the third reich and its advancements. I decided to daydream instead.

"So how did you meet" inquired Goebbels pulling me out of my dream. Hellstrom replied with the story of how I was waitress and made changes to the story from them on about the real way we came to be. Frederick knew he was lying which must have been hard since we both knew everyone else believed Hellstrom's tale. His hand remained on my thigh the whole time moving up further and further until it reached the hem of my underwear. I then took out one of Hellstrom's cigarettes and lit it feeling it was the best way to combat boredom. I smoked all night after that, every few minutes lighting up another. I also drank too much as well that night from glasses of champagne brought round on trays, to glasses of wine the waiter seemed to top up every time I finished. "Shit you've almost gone through my pack of cigarettes and I think you've been drinking far to much" he hissed in my ear. "Sorry" I mumbled flicking ash into the tray. "Im going to get some air" I murmured rising from my chair taking the remaining cigarettes in the pack and my glass of wine. Everyone watched me as I walked out the room trying not to stagger from the amount of drink I'd had. I then found a small doorway that lead out onto the street.

I finished my glass of wine in a matter of minutes and went back inside for another glass from the bar. I then returned to the street to find Frederick standing there. "There you are I've been looking for you" he exclaimed pulling out his lighter to my unlit cigarette between my lips. I swayed as I stood from the amount of alcohol and he steadied me helping me sit down on the wall beside the restaurant. "Having a good nazi evening Frederick" I asked loudly between sips of wine and inhaling smoke. "How much have you had" he signed. "Just about enough but not too much" I giggled. "You play pretend very well with him you know, even with that makeup on I can still see the bruises he gave you, for a woman pretending to be happy you seem to drink to forget" he said coldly.

"And what would you have me do not pretend and get beaten like what happened last time when I was seen with you, is that what you want and don't you dare judge me you don't know what it's like to be with him" I yelled angrily.

"No I don't know what it's like to live with him and I hope to never do. I'm sorry he treats you this way" he whispered.

"Its alright it's not your doing, I'm probably going to be shouted at because of my actions anyway tonight" I sighed slumping back into the wall. I finished my cigarette and wine and headed back to the dining room leaving Frederick outside smoking. I returned to my seat with a moody Hellstrom. "Where have you been" he said through gritted teeth whilst still maintaining eye contact with his conversation with Landa. "I went to get some air like I said before, here's your pack of cigarettes" I said slipping them into his jacket pocket. His hand returned to my thigh. After I few minutes of conversation he looked at watch and we said our goodbyes. As we where waiting for the car he pulled me round so that we were face to face and leant down to kiss me. In the corner of my eye I could see Frederick standing on the corner. "Shouldn't we save this until we get back" I asked him softly. He nodded and the car came round the corner.

Once we reached the apartment and we were all alone as soon as I shut the front door his lips were in mine and hands were trying to undo my dress. I let him take me to his room. I was too tired to put up a fight now and these things were best done quickly. He flung me down onto the bed and I seemed to topple like children's building blocks. I did what I did the first time and shut my eyes. He noticed this. "Why don't you look at me" he asked confused and almost hurt. "I see the way you look at that private zoller and yet you never look at me the way you look at him" he spat looking down at my naked body. "Maybe because Frederick treats me like a person and not their perfect little doll to hit and fuck whenever they feel like" I hissed leaning forward to his ear. I closed my eyes again and waited until I felt him inside me slowly edging in deeper.

He slept peacefully it angered me how he kept me awake at night in fear and yet he did those things to me and slept easy.

I got of bed quietly so not to wake to monster and headed over to his draws. I was determined to find his key for the study I was never allowed in. His draws were full of old reports collecting dust in piles in his bed side table. I found nothing except a photograph. It had a young girl in her early twenties with curly blonde hair and wide eyes. She seemed happy and was lying down in what looked to be a garden. I wondered who she was. Maybe a sister or maybe a lover. I placed it back where I found it and went to kitchen and reached up to the highest cupboard for a bottle of scotch and drank the bottle whilst hunched on the kitchen floor.


	7. Chapter 7

"Get up"

"Fucking get up" I heard a voice yell.

I opened my eyes to the bright morning light and the the smell of strong scotch coming from the empty bottle beside me. I must have passed out last night after drinking the scotch. My neck and back ached from sleeping on the cold hard kitchen floor with nothing but a nightdress on. "What the hell were you thinking" he continued to shout as he kicked the empty bottle beside me. He leant down and slapped me in my drowsy state in an attempt to wake me. I said nothing and endured the shouting until he finally stopped as he stormed out to work.

I got up and threw up up in the kitchen sink above me and cleaned it after. I then retreated back to my room for the day after I had taken a long bath. He didn't disturb me when he got back late from work simply went to his study and shut himself away.

The next morning I threw up again and this time he was by the doorway watching me. "Go away" I mumbled. "Have you drank anymore since" he questioned. "No I just feel like shit can you leave me alone" I asked coldly. I heard the door go not long after as I sank onto the living room arm chair. A short while later I threw up again in the toilet whilst I heard a knock at the door. I swung the door open in such a rush I didn't realise who it was. "Frederick, I wasn't expecting you its not a great time" I said hurriedly, realising I had had opened the door in nothing but my silk shift nightdress. He looked me up and down as I crossed my arms over my chest to conceal a bit of decency. "Can I come in" he asked and I moved aside to let him through. He looked at my face in the mid afternoon light. How much of a mess I must've looked. "You don't look well" he said brushing his fingers across my cheek. "I know I think I've come down with a sickness maybe from the meal and the drink I've been a mess these past couple of days" I replied taking his hand from my cheek and clasping it. "I wouldn't come near me I mean I don't know if it contagious Hellstrom hasn't been near for the past few days so I guess it's a blessing really" I continued sitting on the opposite sofa away from him.

"Look, I know you don't love the major and I know he loves your looks and beauty over what's your really like but I have to ask you, if you ever had the chance to be with me would you ever except. I know it's impossible and silly to think as the major would probably kill you before another man could have you. But would you?" He asked after a long pause. I didn't know what to say. Everything thing he said was right. But I still didn't know how I was going to answer.

"Your right Frederick I don't love Hellstrom and it's not silly what your proposing, it's just I cannot see a day when those thing you wish will come to pass. I would be with you if I could. But I feel like you would be waiting forever for me" I said sadly after a few moments.

"Well at least you've given me some kind of hope" he smiling slightly. He left not long after. After he left I felt the loneliness come straight back. I went to bed early that night didn't even do myself dinner, I wasn't hungry anymore. I heard him come in from work late at around 11. He came slowly down the corridor I heard his boots on the floor and stopped outside my bedroom door and pushed it open. I lay there still almost pretending to be asleep watching him with one eye open. The majority of his uniform was off and he was in just trousers and a white t shirt. He continued his approach to my bed and stopped at the foot of it pulling back the sheets and took his boots off before slipping in next to me. We just slept that night in peace.

The next morning I woke again and rushed to the bathroom throwing up again. He heard me rushing and he soon followed me into the bathroom he stood behind me and too my surprise rubbed my back. I then leant back on the bathroom wall looking up at him as he poured me some water. "I thought this would be over in a few days like any sickness" I muttered sipping the water slowly afraid I was going to throw it back up. "And you've not drank anything at all over these past few days" he asked studying me. "No I haven't had anything" I replied, leaving him puzzled. "Maybe I should take you to see a doctor" he said after a long while of thinking silently.

In the afternoon he took me out to a doctor he had found not far away from our apartment. He walked for a change and I pulled my coat around me feeling the chill of the morning. He linked his arm around mine as we walked down the avenues. We then stopped outside a large entrance and went into one of the largest clinics in the city which was full of officers. He spoke to the receptionist and we then walked down serval corridors until we came to a doctors office at the end. He kissed my forehead before I went in and he disappeared into the waiting area.

"Hello" I said knocking the door. "So you are mademoiselle Galloway the English woman I was told by the receptionist" he said standing from his chair. He was an older French man with a kind smile and small round glasses on the bridge of his nose. "So what is the problem mademoiselle" he asked gesturing to the seat beside the desk. "Well I've been sick these past few days at first it was because of a dinner party I thought and drinking to much on that night. But it's gone on for several days now and I haven't been drinking alcohol so I don't know the cause" I replied.

"Well do you know of anything you could be allergic to or have a reaction to a type of medicine or any food you've been eating regularly" he inquired

"No I'm not allergic to anything and I'm not on any kind of medication" I said getting slowly more and more worried. He then checked his notes and some other of papers. "Do you have regular sexual interactions and if so when was your last period" he asked this time looking more serious. It suddenly hit me then what he was asking and what he thought it could be. A baby. Pregnancy. "Yes I do I suppose and I can't really remember it's been off and on" I slowly said after a long pause.

"Well I think pregnancy is the most likely reason for your sickness I'll have to run some more check ups but I think I can assume that you are pregnant miss Galloway" he exclaimed and smiled. I tightly smiled back, holding back the tears. I rushed out of the doctors office after he scheduled my weekly check ups. I ran out leaving Hellstrom rushing out after me. He caught up with me a few streets later as I began cry.

"what did the doctor say is it anything serious" he asked sounding worried by the way I'd taken the news.

"I'm with child" I said after a long while.


End file.
